Thursday, October 9, 2014

THE ENNEAGRAM - From a Type Nine

What is this thing
this thing that says I’m
a “Preservationist”
a “Peacemaker”
a “Mediator”
a type 9?

What is it all about?
I questioned it with doubt.

It knew all my secrets
All the little bits and pieces
Of my personality
Things I didn’t want to see

It knew I loved being lazy
Even though I stayed very busy
And that I accomplished and achieved
But when work was done I was so relieved
To know I could be
            Just me

I needed to learn more
            About this thing called an enneagram
            learn more about myself
            about things I never realized
but somehow always knew
about things I’d never named
but recognized when I heard it
            More and more and more about me
                        The me I wanted to
                                    Just be
 
I learned
            How I delude myself
            How strong my drive to avoid conflict
            How passively aggressive I am
                        I knew
                       It was true
How I am un-self-conscious
            And have always found
            Ways and reasons
            To not think about myself
                        I knew
                        It was true
How I avoid my own anger
and how important it is
                        to keep the peace
And how I don’t like
                        negative feelings
                        so much so that
                        I detach from myself
                        by ‘numbing out’
                                    which is withdrawing
                                    into a sleep
                                    deep inside myself
                                    where, neither you, nor anyone else
                                                can get me
                        A place where I can be
                                    peaceful, calm and safe
                                    And I can just
                                               be me
And I knew
It was true
So here it was
My wake up call
            Come you type 9
            Stop self forgetting
            Wake up to who you are
            Observe yourself
            Be present, in the moment
            Get angry, in the moment
            No matter how frightening
            I need to start ‘fighting’            
                        You know that’s right
                        And I knew
                        It was all true

And then came our holy idea
            Our essence
What the entire process
Of learning and experiencing
The enneagram
Is really all about
 
This is the point and purpose
Of the journey I’ve been on
            …to touch my essence
Unconditional love
                        Holy love
An essence that I’ve always known
            I’ve experienced it
            I have felt it deep inside
            And now, I’ve come home
                        to my essence
            And what a beautiful place
and space that is to be
            Where love
and faith
and hope reside
            Somewhere deep down inside
                        where I can find
the Divine
                        and I can be
                                    just me

Thank you
Carole, Gloria and fellow students
For leading me to that place.

by Judy Shoob

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